A good motto to live by:

"Always try not to get killed."

True Fact

I read that there's a rich couple in the Hamptons on Long Island who have palm trees on their property, and in the winter they fly the trees to Palm Beach to get them out of the cold weather. I can't help but wonder how they treat their servants.

It's Possible

Unbelievably, a goldfish can kill a gorilla.
However, it does require a substantial element of surprise.

The Day Before Yesterday

We ought to have a name for the day before yesterday. Dayforeday? Yesterforday? Why don't you guys come up with something and get back to me.

...Finish Your Sentences?

Stan: Why do you always...

Dan: ...finish your sentences?

Stan: Yes, it's something that's...

Dan: ...been bothering you for a long time?

Stan: Yes.

Dan: Well, it's a habit that started in grade school. When the teacher called on another kid, sometimes the kid would start to answer and then get stuck. So I would supply the rest of the answer.

Stan: And this habit has stayed with you...

Dan: ...ever since that time.

Stan: But there must be something you can...

Dan: ...do about it? The only thing I could do about it would be to find some person who might be willing to...

Stan: ...finish your sentences?

Dan: Yes, if I could just find someone to finish my sentences...

Stan: ...it would put a little balance in your life?

Dan: Right.

Stan: But why does it have to be someone else? Why couldn't it be...

Dan: ...the same person? Why couldn't the same person whose sentences I finish...

Stan: ...be the same person who finishes your sentences?

Dan: I don't know. Let's ask this...

Man: ...man over here. What can I do for you fellows?

My Trainer

I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone and I go home.

Who Knows?

A: "I don't know. Or at least I don't know if I know. And I don't even know if I care to know if I know."

B: "I don't know what you mean."

A: "You know, I mean I don't know what I mean. You know what I mean?"

B: "What do you mean you don't know what you mean? I don't know what you mean."

A: "I mean, you know, I don't know."

B: "You don't know? You mean that?"

A: "I don't know."